Jake Long is a sophomore at Millersville University. He is pursuing an English degree with a Writing Studies focus. He is an associate opinion editor for the Snapper Newspaper, where he likes to share opinions about meaningless topics in an enjoyable way. He plans to pursue a career as a screenplay writer or a columnist to share absurdities with as many people as possible. As practice for this future, he seeks moments, objects, and phrases devoid of any interesting characteristics and attempts to give them a reason for intrigue. He sees cliques as a gold mine for such speculation because their honest wisdom has been diluted and deserves to be recognized in new light. When Jake wants to have a good time, he will hike, play guitar, or watch Seinfeld.